It's been a fairly good weekend...

I haven't done much cheating and I've been exercising which will hopefully transition into a great week.  I'm packing my gym bag tonight to make sureee I go to the gym after work tomorrow.  I need to look FABulous at my friend's wedding in May.  I must have a look ahead goal, right?  I mean yes, I'm doing it for the health reasons, obvz, but is it bad that I just want to look buh-buh-bodaciousss? I need to sock it to a few peepz. haha :-/

Say what you may about her, but I use Kim K and Ashley Graham as my inspiration for weight loss.  I want to be curvy, that's all... not even skinny or thin. Nope, just curvy & fab.

Ashley Graham, plus size model

Anywho, amidst my pitty party of having no love life and whatnot, I have discovered a new addiction... shopping.  lol so while I try to stay good eating-wise, I begin to divulge in shopping! ahhh!  I mean, I hadn't bought myself some of these things in awhile and it felt good, but this mustn't continue.  So I bought some new Paul Mitchell Product to leave in my hair so it stays wavy.  I've been straightening it a lot lately and I don't want to get super damaged, so I'm trying to go more natural. heh.  And thennn I bought a sterling silver nose stud with a diamond in the middle. haha... they didn't have anything else! Then bought 2 work shirts and some workout pants, check it, workout pantsss. ;)
Now I stopped spending there because I made a little trip to DSW and almost bought some nude pumps, but will not do that until I am under 250.  Once that milestone hits, I will wait a week to make sure I've maintained and then I will hit up the stores. :)

Anyone else have a shopping addiction? I feel like this is a rhetorical question for some of my readers, but still... I need to know I'm not the only one who turns from food to shopping! oyyy vey...

Chipotz gets me everytime!!

Everytimeeeee, I tell you.  I guess on the brightside... it's all natural food and i only ate half of my bowl, saving the rest for tomorrow.  A full bowl is around 700 cals, so I didn't make out bad.

Howeverrrr, I am enjoying one of my favorite beverages of all time, Dog Fish Head beer's Festina Peche.  I bought some before Summer 2010 ended and have hoarded them in my kitchen. haha... it reminds me of summer on this gloomy day.  The weather was snow, then rain, then snow.  As I've said before, New England weather is Bi-Polar/suffers from PMS.  :-/ 

Soooo... I've been thinking I want to go on vacation, but have no one to really go with.  Everyone seems to be broke or generally uninterested.  I'm trying to brainstorm ideas for a getaway, but am falling short. heh.  Also, need to lose a lil' bit more thissss, before I think about thatttt (going to a beach of any type). Do ya feel me?

Another issue... many of my friends want to go out for drinks and such, but I know how bad alcohol sabotages weightloss... any trick for this or should I avoid alcohol altogether?  It's like I want to have fun while being young, but drinking really sets you back... hmmmmm.

I'm putting all my problems on the table now. haha... oh boy.  I hope y'all don't lose interest.  It's just me thinking aloud...

Well, well...

so I'll cut to the chase.  I've gained 3 lbs since I last posted.  And clearly, you can see why I wasn't posting.  :-/  I received my last and final Nutrisystem shipment on Monday.  Inside was this cute little thing:

Rojito the Bear

 I thought that was cute of NS to send.  Either way, I've still technically lost 10 lbs, so the bear isn't completely undeserved.  Nonetheless, +3?!... baddddd Augustina, bad!

I've decided that in addition to my addiction of fast food, the cold weather plays a piece into the equation along with living alone and a lack of love life.  Now I am not making excuses, I'm more... evaluating the pieces of my life that ultimately cause stress, unease and feed to my eating disorder.  Don't start thinking that I'm taking some sort of psychology class or that I've gone off my rocket, I'll explain.

I have been eating fast food since forever, I've been an addict since age 5? I'm dead serious.  The cold weather, as I've discussed previously, makes me want to hibernate like my new friend Rojito the Bear.  I have no motivation to do anything, at least nothing physical.  I live alone, so the only person I'm accountable to is myself.  I don't have anyone telling me... "Nuh uhh... should you be eating that?". I can make horrible decisions and no one will say anything to me.  I remember when I was losing a great amount of my weight at home, it was due to the support of my mom.  She was always checking in on me and making sure I was making the right choices.  After awhile of her putting me in check, my self-discipline grew to be second nature.  It's just hard.  I know that shoving a soft taco from TB in my mouth real quick so no one can see, is doing nothing.  The only person I'm lying to and failing is myself.  But once again, that self-discipline is just not where it needs to be.  I need a happy medium, but I can never seem to get there.  Either I'm back on and then off the bandwagon or I'm super obsessed with my weight loss to where it becomes disconcerting.  Ughh... and lastly, my love life is non-existant.  I have no one.  I don't know that it's the lack of a love life as much as it is the lack of someone being "present".  Living alone is interesting, as I've said many times.  I like it and hate it at the same time.  The thing I miss the most about living with someone is having someone to come home to and talk to.  I don't have that... and it's just kinda... ugh.

Anywho, there's my sob story.  Thanks for reading.  I'm hitting the gym in the am tomorrow.  Wish me luck this weekend.

<3

I'm backkkk!!

A wise friend... named Erin was kind enough to email me and call me out on my slacking.  She told me that blogging regularly would keep me honest.  And guess what, she's absolutely right.  I mean duh.  Hello, I haven't blogged because I'm guilty as charged.  Either way, tomorrow is Monday and a new start for sure.  I even worked out at the gym downstairs tonight.

Either way, I went on a hiatus previously, but that was because I had no internet for like 5 dayssss!

None of that intentional stuff anymore.  If you're out there reading this and there's more than a 3 day span between posts, I'd like you to kindly email me and "remind" me to update my blog.  It could be I'm either reallllly busy (unlikely) or that I'm slacking and don't feel like publicly airing my dirty laundry online.  It'll probably be the latter. :-/

I will post an update tomorrow.

Thanks for following, friends.  Much <3 to E-dawg for keeping me fresh & legit. :-D

TGIF!

Well it's official, I weighed myself this week and I neither lost nor gained, which is fair considering some of my recent choices.  

I'm a determined to be good tonight and make good choices this weekend.  I'm not saying I'm going to be 100% faithful to NS (that'd be a lie), but I am saying that I won't overindulge and that my fat @rse is hitting the gym! haha

sidenote: I almost feel like I eat better when I don't feel the pressure of dieting.  The thought of 'Dieting' makes me want to cheat and be bad.  Haha it really is a love affair of all sorts, when I think about it.  It's this weird psychological battle... hmmm.

I woke up with this song in my head.  I blasted it this morning (I'm sure my neighbors weren't too thrilled :-/) while getting ready and got me in a good mood for sure. 

The song is called "Don't Let Nobody Get You Down" by War

Have a great Friday, everyone!

<3

I said I would be honest on this blog...

soooo here it goes...
I said I'd post my shenaniganz of this past week and now here I am to come clean.

CAUTION: I felt like this after this weekend ended! Read on...

I have been struggling to stay faithful with Nutrisystem, point blank.  It's actually very hard to confess this online.  I'd love to be able to continue to write about my successes, but the fact of the matter is I'm not perfect and I will fall.  It's getting back up that counts, right? :-/

What I'm doing by confessing is one of the key reasons I even started this blog, so at least I'm holding up on that end of the deal with myself. Perhaps I did it so that every time I felt like "being bad" and eating out or going off track, I'd think twice:
1) Because the guilt after the fact is hard enough as it is
2) I knew I'd blog about it - meaning all my dirty laundry would hang out to dry, publicly.

A little sadistic? I'd say so.

So getting to the juicy parts... I guess you would say... I fell off on Thursday.  Now I'll tell you why this is a bad life choice.  Thursday is an odd day of the week, Friday is near and no one wants to be faithful on a Friday night... nor the weekend (Sat & Sun) for that matter.  Needlesssss to say, it turned into a 4-day weekend fiasco of bad-ish choices.

Darn you McDz!!!

I ate out 3 times... THREE!  Chipotle, Subway... and oh God, I can't believe I'm admitting this... McD'z.  I had this ungodlyyyy craving for a McDouble... and the craving won. :(


There now that it's out in the open... I feel a little bit better... scratch that, no I don't.  Now I'm embarassed, but this blog is continuing to keep me honest.  I'm prayinggggggg I have the strength and will-power to abstain from eating out for the rest of the week.

It's the Superbowl weekend... I must snack healthily and go to my friend's party with that mindset beforehand.  Ayeeee yai yai...

More updates to follow.