|Rojito the Bear|
I've decided that in addition to my addiction of fast food, the cold weather plays a piece into the equation along with living alone and a lack of love life. Now I am not making excuses, I'm more... evaluating the pieces of my life that ultimately cause stress, unease and feed to my eating disorder. Don't start thinking that I'm taking some sort of psychology class or that I've gone off my rocket, I'll explain.
I have been eating fast food since forever, I've been an addict since age 5? I'm dead serious. The cold weather, as I've discussed previously, makes me want to hibernate like my new friend Rojito the Bear. I have no motivation to do anything, at least nothing physical. I live alone, so the only person I'm accountable to is myself. I don't have anyone telling me... "Nuh uhh... should you be eating that?". I can make horrible decisions and no one will say anything to me. I remember when I was losing a great amount of my weight at home, it was due to the support of my mom. She was always checking in on me and making sure I was making the right choices. After awhile of her putting me in check, my self-discipline grew to be second nature. It's just hard. I know that shoving a soft taco from TB in my mouth real quick so no one can see, is doing nothing. The only person I'm lying to and failing is myself. But once again, that self-discipline is just not where it needs to be. I need a happy medium, but I can never seem to get there. Either I'm back on and then off the bandwagon or I'm super obsessed with my weight loss to where it becomes disconcerting. Ughh... and lastly, my love life is non-existant. I have no one. I don't know that it's the lack of a love life as much as it is the lack of someone being "present". Living alone is interesting, as I've said many times. I like it and hate it at the same time. The thing I miss the most about living with someone is having someone to come home to and talk to. I don't have that... and it's just kinda... ugh.
Anywho, there's my sob story. Thanks for reading. I'm hitting the gym in the am tomorrow. Wish me luck this weekend.