Thursday, February 24, 2011

Well, well...

so I'll cut to the chase.  I've gained 3 lbs since I last posted.  And clearly, you can see why I wasn't posting.  :-/  I received my last and final Nutrisystem shipment on Monday.  Inside was this cute little thing:
Rojito the Bear

 I thought that was cute of NS to send.  Either way, I've still technically lost 10 lbs, so the bear isn't completely undeserved.  Nonetheless, +3?!... baddddd Augustina, bad!

I've decided that in addition to my addiction of fast food, the cold weather plays a piece into the equation along with living alone and a lack of love life.  Now I am not making excuses, I'm more... evaluating the pieces of my life that ultimately cause stress, unease and feed to my eating disorder.  Don't start thinking that I'm taking some sort of psychology class or that I've gone off my rocket, I'll explain.

I have been eating fast food since forever, I've been an addict since age 5? I'm dead serious.  The cold weather, as I've discussed previously, makes me want to hibernate like my new friend Rojito the Bear.  I have no motivation to do anything, at least nothing physical.  I live alone, so the only person I'm accountable to is myself.  I don't have anyone telling me... "Nuh uhh... should you be eating that?". I can make horrible decisions and no one will say anything to me.  I remember when I was losing a great amount of my weight at home, it was due to the support of my mom.  She was always checking in on me and making sure I was making the right choices.  After awhile of her putting me in check, my self-discipline grew to be second nature.  It's just hard.  I know that shoving a soft taco from TB in my mouth real quick so no one can see, is doing nothing.  The only person I'm lying to and failing is myself.  But once again, that self-discipline is just not where it needs to be.  I need a happy medium, but I can never seem to get there.  Either I'm back on and then off the bandwagon or I'm super obsessed with my weight loss to where it becomes disconcerting.  Ughh... and lastly, my love life is non-existant.  I have no one.  I don't know that it's the lack of a love life as much as it is the lack of someone being "present".  Living alone is interesting, as I've said many times.  I like it and hate it at the same time.  The thing I miss the most about living with someone is having someone to come home to and talk to.  I don't have that... and it's just kinda... ugh.

Anywho, there's my sob story.  Thanks for reading.  I'm hitting the gym in the am tomorrow.  Wish me luck this weekend.



Sarah said...

Tina, you're holding yourself accountable by being honest in this blog.

You haven't gone off your rocket, but you're definitely making steps towards addressing the root issue. You've got to figure out why you eat the way to eat to fix it, and the only way to do that is to reflect upon it. I know you can do this. You might stumble, we all do, but I know you have the fortitude to see it through.

What are your plans now that you've stopped ordering NS? I've got some recommendations if you're interested. I'm pretty much always on AIM as mysqrl so if you ever need to talk or want to ask a question, look me up. :)

I'm also moving to Northborough in March, and will be closer to Worcester and I'd love to cook dinner for you some time!

Augustina Mills said...

Hey Sarah!

I honestly don't have anything in particular lined up. I would be sooo very open to your recommendations. I shall remind myself to log onto aim, do you have gchat? And yeaaa for moving closer to the Woo! Ummm I would be delighted to have you over for din din. You're awesome possum!


Sarah said...

I have gchat too. My gmail name is the same as my AIM name. :)